First time write my feelings at here...

19 of February 2012.. 1148pm, i look through my file which had done reviewed by supervisor. OK, i have no any people which i can share out or release out my suffer feelings now as i dun wan bring any troublesome to them. So, the only way i think about is write out my post at blogger. Just now, i had forgotten my password for this blogger, so i have take a bit time to solve it. At last, gives me to have chance to write out my feelings at here.

Now, i was thinking that when i was a kid at primary school, i wish i can faster finished my study. When i was at secondary school, maybe i watch too many TV drama which makes my brain and mind keep thinking to have a partner be with me. I can said from Form 1 til Form 3, i had waste my precious time to think about it. When Form 5, i wish i can continue study either physics or accounts, and besides i was thinking what if i went out looking job such as waitress, hotel worker, cafe staff and etc.. But, at the end, i continue my study til Form 6 as my mother advice me further study and enter university. At last, i did it; enter university.

In university life, was heard from others before that uni life is so enjoying. But indeed, is totally different and is sucks! However, in uni life, one thing for me is at least can know those friend from different state and can also saw different kinds of people before enter into social life. In uni life, i keep wish that faster finish my study so that can faster enter social life and working.

After I graduate, takes 3 months to find job and finally get job. Thought i can have enjoyed working life in my first job. But, the fact is totally different from what i was expected to.
Of course, audit work can't said can enjoy working life in office. At least, what i want is the relationship between the colleagues, should be nice and friendly and if we as junior don't know anything, at least need have patience to teach or guide us. Not just give the review point and then pass back to us without brief any point for what we've done for our job.

Such working life makes me want to back to my uni life as in uni life is not same feelings at social life. Uni life, can enjoy sometime and when reach a certain time to have exam, only need to prepare for it, that's it! But in social life, you need to become a stronger and cleverer worker, else you will be the loser!

Really quite not satisfied with my first job here;
- those colleagues; i'm ok if they directly told me where and which part i did wrong and guide me the correct way. Of coz, they did so. But they will whisper each other about we as junior's work. I rather prefer they directly told me my weaknesses compare to keep whispering to each other.

- those higher level management; although i had done audit work in my interns life before, but doesn't mean that i will expert on doing it!! I can said that i learn the audit work in my interns life is just those transaction testing, bank, fixed assets and expenses, that's it!! When they ask me questions, i need take time to think about the questions. I admit that my brain and mind is quite slow, and before that i know that they did told me this company request quick learner in office. But, i did told them, although i'm slower thinking, but i wish that if i have the chance to work here, it can helps to improve me, upgrade me to become as quick learner also. No need give any not satisfied face to let me see.

- And i believe that, they sure did whisper about me to other staff. ( not i'm thinking too much), I can feel that right now how's their reaction when they saw me compare to first time their reaction they saw me.

- In this office, if one person have the talent to do audit work, of coz and sure the others will give u a smile and treat nice to you. However, if they heard you so "lao zi" in doing audit work, they will not do just like they treat those talent people. ( they easily look down those untalent, like me this kind of staff)

In conclusion, WORK LIFE IS SUCKS!!!

I now start to think back my uni life and those memories with my friends, attend class together, skip class together, exchange notes and tips and go out enjoying and etc.

After what i've get kinds of treat from them, it makes me to consider back whether am i suitable to continue my work in this office? or should i stay 1 or 2 years and then change to another job? if change, what job is suitable for me?

Question "What job is suitable for me" makes me suffer 25 years ady. Why others can have their own mind set to set their suitable job while i cant? This questions keeps repeating in my mind.
Actually i have a question for myself: WHAT DO YOU WANT? 你到底想要什么? If I can know it, for sure i can determine what i want for my job. Until now, i still searching for this answer.